He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
