Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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