i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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