Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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