Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
