I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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