I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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