Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sobbing to NWA
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
