she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
