operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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