Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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