We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
