I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Boobs speak an international language.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
