So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
