his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
