Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
