we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
