He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
