I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
