at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
