Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
