Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
