I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize