Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
