Swine flu. Run for my life!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
