How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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