Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize