we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
