I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
