I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
