lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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