You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
