i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
