He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
