doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
