he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
