I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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