I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
