no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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