what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
