yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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