after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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