i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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