my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize