you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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