I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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