Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
