How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
