A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
