Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
