they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize