So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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