feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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