As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
