ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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