I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Did I show you my penis last night?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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