Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize