in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
