There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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