Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
