So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
