I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
