i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
