census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize