Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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