Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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