If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
