Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
